Things I’ve Noticed: Returning to the Process

Overcoming hesitation…

There is a particular sort of hesitation that comes with returning to something you haven't done for a while.

Not quite fear. Not quite reluctance.

More a feeling of standing at the edge of something familiar and wondering whether you still know how to step into it.

I've been feeling that way about the studio. The paints are there. The brushes are there. The paper is there. Nothing has actually changed very much. And yet, after a period of not painting, the prospect of putting that first mark down can seem surprisingly significant. I've noticed that I can make it far more complicated than it needs to be.

Perhaps I should have an idea first.

Perhaps I should know what I'm going to make.

Perhaps I should tidy the table, organise the paints, find the right piece of paper...

All perfectly reasonable things to do, of course.

And all very convenient ways of not actually beginning.

So, instead, I've been trying something simpler - just getting into the studio.

Moving things around. Mixing a colour. Making a mark. Letting some water run across the paper and seeing what happens. Not expecting a painting to emerge. Not trying to make anything particularly good.

Just reminding myself what it feels like to be there.

There is something about the first few marks that always seems to loosen things. The hesitation doesn't disappear exactly. It just becomes less important.

A wash spreads further than expected.

A mark that looked wrong becomes interesting once something is put over it.

Paper gets torn. Paint gets moved around. There is a bit of mess.

And gradually, the studio starts to feel less like somewhere I ought to be working and more like somewhere I want to be.

Continue noticing

There was more to this return than I could really put into words here, so I took my camera into the studio and filmed some of it.

It isn't a tutorial or a grand studio reveal. Just paint, paper, hesitation, a bit of mess and the small moments that make up getting back into the process.

If you'd like to see what that looked like, I've made a little film about it over on YouTube.

Watch: Returning to the Process →

And perhaps that's the bit I've been noticing most.

Sometimes getting back into making isn't about finding an idea.

It's about making enough space for an idea to find you.

For those who notice.